its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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