Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
