I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
