3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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