i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
