Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
