Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
