chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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