she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come share oat with me in your robe
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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