3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
