so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
high people should be assigned attendants
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize