Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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