My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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