i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize