My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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