I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
