remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
