I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize