Apparently you make a good broom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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