Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
