i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need to sanitize my soul.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
