You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
