just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
honey bunches of taint.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
