Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
