My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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