My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
