when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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