I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
