y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
