who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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