Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize