You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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