I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
