My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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