Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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