Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
