I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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