I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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