we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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