Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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