What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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