Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
