i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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