it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
