woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
