Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
