dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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