You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I supernannyed him into submission
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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