Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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