Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
