Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
