I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
