I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
