He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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