Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
