can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
