highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
where are my eyebrows?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize