Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
