I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize