# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
