Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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