Will you blow on my dice?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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