ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
