Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
