I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
