my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
