White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
