Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
