Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
