Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
