i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
