My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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