i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
