I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
