Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
