Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
