I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just forgot I was standing up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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