So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize