hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
