I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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