does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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