she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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