she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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