I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
