What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Green mimosas i think yes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
